So in this world, there are two main kingdoms; the kingdom of the world ruled by Satan, and the kingdom of heaven , ruled by God. I am only just now realizing that all of my striving has been to win and move ahead within the kingdom of the world. Yet, no matter how hard I have tried or how surprisingly willing I have been to sell out for success, I have not been able to crack the code. Wow, even as I write this, I am amazed particularly by my own articulation of being "more than willing to sell out."
It's not something you initially set out to do ...sell out that is... but as you move along life and you see people succeed at various levels... you want that... you know? Well, at least I want that. I want the world to see my value... I want to show them all that I matter ... I need to convince them to love me... sigh...
Only that has not worked thus far. In fact, I am as a rule, a day late and a dollar short... you know...never even close to being "in the right place at the right time."
...or is that not true?... no... it is so curious that no matter how hurtful an untruth is or what rabbit hole it sends me spiraling down, I am so willing to latch on to things that are only at best, illusions of pure truth...and it does matter because these illusions are deadly.
The truth is that when I look to the Light who is Christ Jesus, and I don't look to the right or to the left...then I move forward...I find purpose...everything falls into place... I know this... so why am I so easily distracted? Why do I default to the emptiness of futile pursuits that my enemy, who is still loose for a time, will never allow me to win at; especially when I know what is at stake? Why, when I have someone who loves me to a depth that I can't even comprehend, do I seek after the approval of those who have no concern about me other than what I can do for them?
I don't know the answer to that...
yet...
so I guess I am still on "the mission."
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