In His Heart a Man Plans His Course...

Hmmm..."In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9.

Yes, I like this verse very much. First, it reassures me that God is always in control. But more than that...it helps me to move forward.

Sometimes I feel as though I have already burned all of my bridges down without ever crossing even one of them ...it's like there is something pressing that I was meant to accomplish...only...I haven't ...and it doesn't look as though I ever will.

These feelings haunt me daily...that there is something I need to be doing...something that is urgent because the days are short...but when I try to manufacture purpose on my own, my efforts spin like a wheel stuck in deep spring mud...the kind that splatters on everyone nearby, including unsuspecting bystanders and we all do down in filth.

So, this verse...yes ...this is good..because this reminds me that I need to climb into my Father's arms and listen...I want to listen about what He made me for. I have been trying to teach my children to use their ears to listen, but the truth is...I need to learn to do the same...listen more and talk less that is.

I like to listen to my Father in Heaven because I know that when no one else in the world understands me, ...I mean , even I don't understand, I know He does...I know...and I know He likes to talk to me...about lots of things...His plans , my plans, people who need extra encouragement, both the beauty and the sadness of this earthly life...

Isn't it funny though and almost tragic, that so much of I my conversation  is about me? Hmmm...this is something I would expect from a young teenager, and yet, here I am
...its all about me once again in "MeMe" Land.
...thank God that He can still use me somehow despite my selfishness...I guess this human quality is a tough one to shake...especially when I am relegated to a rather minimal circle of  trusted friends. Ha, ha...always an explanation/excuse...the world according to me is greatly flawed.

Still, I know that God placed my talents within my body and dreams within my mind...and so I know that I can trust Him with them to complete what it is that I need accomplish. The things I want to accomplish on my own, well, they won't bring the peace that I would imagine or end my longing for what I can't quite put my finger on...they won't because the only way for those deep yearnings to be ended is for me to do what I was built for.

So this is my quest ...to follow my Lord in what He wants me to use my talents for.

This quest may change daily, and so I will ask for the ability to be flexible and not give up when it seems as though I am not advancing in the proper direction.

And I do know,  because I know that He is ruler of the entire Universe... Even when I factor in free will and the evil within this life, I KNOW that if I give Him all of me ...as much as I am able...the intent being there...(I think at least intent counts)...that He is able to make it work out...in other words, even if I keep screwing up, He will make it work...

Okay...Sparky the dreamer signing off...ready and tentatively waiting for my steps to be determined...